It’s been weeks now. I still forget “he” is not there to reach out to. I forget that the Blue Skies have crashed with his leaving me behind. I forget for moments at times that he is no longer here for me to reach out to, not here to process my writing with, not here to share music with, not here to philosophize with.
The Blue Sky crashed and sometimes I am not sure I can do this alone. I’ve not felt this way for several years, but there it is…. sometimes I am lost without him being here. Seems like he always has been here, wan’t he since our teens? Now he is not.
If I am really honest with myself I would admit that these past few years have been more and more painful for him to navigate, the shadows he lived behind were continually growing deeper, so deep I think he could no longer dig out alone…and he’d not let anyone in.
I know that what I am feeling is purely selfish and self-centered… so be it. I’ll own that.Leaving without any word to why he made the choice to not say good-bye has been hard to swallow, I keep analyzing our past conversations looking for ‘tells”…..but I am still missing the signals.
Except, I clearly feel the blue sky crashing down sometimes.
I can see his smile still, I can feel his pain still, I can feel his tears of despair, still….I saw that there was no longer any ray of hope left…..I understood he wanted to give in.
But I didn’t think he would try again… I sure as hell didn’t know he would win…..finally.
The Blue Sky Crashed Down on him…..and he did it alone.
I miss you my friend. Life isn’t the same.
I am trying to let go of the anger. Still.
©
ttaylor2017
Barefoot Baroness 
My Dearest Sister,
This makes me sad. Knowing you are sad, and in despair. I have a favor to ask of you.
Give faith, and hope an opportunity. Faith, and hope weigh more than sadness, and despair.
Have faith in your own heart; Have hope in a future blue sky.
Look up at a blue sky, and forge ahead. That blue sky is the one that didn’t crash. It is the one being presented to you in the name of your very own strength. It is there to remind you that no matter what we will endure, there is still a blue sky for each of us.
The next blue sky you see is just for you. A reminder. Yes, you can!
You are loved, you are important, you matter!
Sometimes it is only a matter of time but, you realize that hope, and faith can carry you happily through.
It wasn’t your responsibility. Sadly, as I’ve been confronted with a similar situation several years ago, there are no tells. Nothing to be told, and nothing was missed by anybody. It becomes an unusually private matter having nothing to do with just how close the relationship had been.
Our blue skies don’t crash yet, for some the blue skies do crash. Yes, I’m sorry for my Niece. I’m sorry for whom you mourn. We do miss them..
There was no way to know, and we’re not responsible for their blue skies that came crashing down.
Most Cordially,
As always,
Your Brother
I’m so very sorry. Sending prayers and gentle hugs